Folks, we’ve done it again.
Despite all the blatant signs that Twitter is dying, we have defiantly joined together to make another solid month of #relatable and #shareable #content for people to steal.
Topics covered in October included Billy Joel’s integrity, the triumph of past Halloween costumes, the real benefits of sleep and how we cope with extremely awkward office chit-chat.
Here’s 30 of the funniest tweets you might’ve scrolled past this month.
1.
Just farted so loud Siri guessed where we went for dinner
— JasonLastname (@JasonLastname) October 1, 2016
2.
“cult classic, not bestseller” I whisper to myself nervously as my tweet gets approximately two faves
— bobby shawarma (@hummusandpizza) October 1, 2016
3.
Guy cutting my hair complaining about the last person who cut my hair doesn’t realize he was the last person to cut it.
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) October 1, 2016
4.
My cousin went swimming with dolphins the other day and let’s just say it could have gone better. ?? pic.twitter.com/i10P8xCBWs
— Dan Higginson (@Higgles17) October 1, 2016
5.
ah yes, the 2 genders: joe.ie and her.ie
— ?rla (@roastbeefdinner) October 2, 2016
6.
When he squats, accordion music comes out of his arse pic.twitter.com/SGgtLXqIpo
— John Brennan (@UpturnedBathtub) October 2, 2016
7.
for someone who didn’t start a fire, Billy Joel sure is defensive about it
— paperwash© (@PaperWash) October 2, 2016
8.
I am in no position to judge Trump on this. I, too, made poor investment decisions in 1995. pic.twitter.com/9BZcq3f4JG
— Jennifer (@WeTheLiving) October 3, 2016
9.
The seated woman has been getting a bollocking for three straight reports on SSN. Reckon she’s done for. No way back from this. pic.twitter.com/L9h8d0zlNf
— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) October 4, 2016
10.
it’s been 18 years but we still don’t know why meg ryan’s notification read ‘you have mail’ when the movie is called ‘you’ve got mail’ pic.twitter.com/OwsZjxeFNc
— Amelia Tait (@ameliargh) October 5, 2016
11.
— age (@lavgray) October 5, 2016
12.
chipotle employee: white or brown rice
frank underwood: (to camera) the rice is irrelevant. but for now i’ll play his game.
— chuuch (@ch000ch) October 6, 2016
13.
did Spice Girls write Two Becomes One about when the clocks go back
— all round good guy (@blennblyborn) October 7, 2016
14.
How much do Cockneys pay for shampoo? Pantene.
— Bertha Vanation (@NormanKore) October 7, 2016
15.
“Disappointing”
An Italian, showing you how he points.
— d i v e r s i o n (@Diversion50) October 7, 2016
16.
Worst. Perfume. Name. Ever. pic.twitter.com/9dSIMx3MWf
— Joe Harland (@TheJoeHarland) October 8, 2016
17.
Did you know Sia’s last name is Wouldntwannabia?
— Dave Shumka (@daveshumka) October 9, 2016
18.
Him: what you got on?
Me: nothing
Him: show me 😉
Me: pic.twitter.com/eeeioswTWg— Summer Ray (@SummerRay) October 9, 2016
19.
Right it’s getting closer tae Halloween and a have no idea how 2 beat last years Chucky.. Ar La pic.twitter.com/GxOde9Un3M
— KBMQU (@KaitlinMqu) October 12, 2016
20.
This, on a Mail Online #strictly story about Louise Redknapp, is my new favourite reader comment of all time pic.twitter.com/VuX0KGwX94
— Lauren Turner (@thisislaurent) October 12, 2016
21.
I hope Elon Musk never gets in a scandal, because Elongate would be sure to get really drawn out.
— Sebas (@OhLookBirdies) October 12, 2016
22.
I made a helpful flow chart for comedy writers. pic.twitter.com/sMBVq44E4m
— Alison Spittle (@AlisonSpittle) October 14, 2016
23.
omg this is so irresponsible what if a predator reads it. pic.twitter.com/UyYAhd8baJ
— ~ (@daniel_barker) October 18, 2016
24.
Good news, the first convoy of thoughts & prayers has arrived in Syria. “This is so useful to me” said one delighted man
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) October 23, 2016
25.
I don’t even like sleep, it’s just the only way I can eat spiders
— nina gann sucks (@ninatreemonkey) October 24, 2016
26.
AMAZING! This guy took a photo of himself every day for two days: pic.twitter.com/GRPcyzWHLo
— Glenn Moore (@TheNewsAtGlenn) October 24, 2016
27.
Gemma Collins talking about her love of the dictionary is an iconic moment of media history pic.twitter.com/hhYCqDpHpK
— Steve (@stipkins) October 25, 2016
28.
Young Fine Gail pic.twitter.com/uVjeRVRi5T
— john (@Scarlet4UrMa) October 25, 2016
29.
To the tune of Eleanor Rigby:
Dog in a trenchcoat
Getting promoted at work but then sheds his disguise
Canine surprise— Peter Silk & ghosts (@KestrelPi) October 27, 2016
30.
New figures show around 75% of office workers who find themselves in the kitchen with an unfamiliar co-worker keep thinking today is Friday.
— Michael Spicer (@MrMichaelSpicer) October 27, 2016
Check out previous months’ best tweets here:
