Ciara writes features for JOE.co.uk and is doing her best.
Prince George is adorable, but also seems to hate life. It’s a combination of him being blissfully unaware how privileged his life is, along with his facial expressions that suggest he hates everything, that we find ourselves deeply identifying with. We were all little rips when we were 3, so he’s pretty much right where he needs […]
Dan’s a dick, am I right? You need to let that big jerk know that you’re over him. He didn’t love you at your worst so he certainly doesn’t deserve you at your best, which is obviously right now. The main aim here is to get him to come crawling back to you (via text), […]
The Fall is back! The nation is beside itself (and the UK) with excitement. Finally, our favourite crime drama returns to our screens and we can shamelessly drool over the world’s most attractive serial killer. You learn a lot about yourself while watching The Fall. You often find yourself siding with a murderer because he is very […]
This is a breaking news story. It has been reported that Clippy the paperclip has been hospitalised after an aggravated assault earlier today. The incident took place in the early hours of this morning in Dublin’s city centre. Clippy, 19, is currently in Ireland as a guest speaker about the importance of help but also […]
Which actor expresses himself through several holes in his body? Pierce Brosnan. Piercings are a very cool way to decorate your body. They’re a slightly tamer version of tattoos, in the sense that you can change your mind at some point and it will usually close up within a short amount of time. You can […]
Goosebumps was a very aptly named book series. I used to borrow them from the primary school library, knowing well that I shouldn’t, and then read them just before bed to ensure that I never slept again. It’s been 15 years and I still haven’t had a decent night’s kip. They tapped into the fragile […]
A national day of mourning has been declared for tomorrow. A restless night lies ahead of us all, as we try to get our heads around this senselessly upsetting news. Everything we thought we knew is a lie. Nothing will ever be the same again. It’s likely that some of us will never truly return […]
How are you fixed for a ploughing? Sorry. Listen, the Ploughing is finally among us. Having never attended the spectacle itself and having no real intention of ever heading down, I can only assume that there’s a solid bit of flirting taking place in Offaly as we speak. It’s probably a little lacklustre, so I’m here to help. […]
Tots TV was vital to any 90s childhood. Tilly, Tom and Tiny filled my days with joy, wonder and their creepy little puppet smiles. I had the duvet cover, activity booklet and video set on a loop. They were everything. In my adulthood, it’s recently come to my attention that the trio didn’t exactly set us up for […]
The Emmys took place last night. In summary, everyone looked divine and some well-deserved winners were crowned. More importantly, as always, a few outfits looked like other things. In the interest of full disclosure, I am currently wearing a blue jumper and a pair of jeans that have 80% of the knee missing and also don’t […]
The All Ireland final is upon us. Personally, it doesn’t put in or out on me. I don’t know a damn thing about GAA and I intend to keep it that way. I understand that it would be nice if Mayo won since they’re the underdogs, but it isn’t going to affect my life in any deep or meaningful […]
It’s not me, it’s you. You’re vile. There’s no beating around the bush. You are literally scum. There comes a time in life where we all need to stand up for what we believe in, and I believe that you need to be put down like a sick dog. My main issue with you, kitten […]