Ciara writes features for JOE.co.uk and is doing her best.
I’m nervous. It’s a crisp Autumn morning. There’s a slight lingering of summer in the air, but you can tell that winter is trying to stick its brazen little head in. The grass is covered in morning dew and there’s a few early morning joggers whizzing around. I’m at an undisclosed location in the West of […]
Listen, we’ve all been there. You’re three years old and your Mam has arranged for you to meet the cast of Cats backstage on Broadway. It’s been a long day, you’ve been busy colouring, eating Frubes, running around and watching Peppa Pig. All you want to do is sit back, relax and enjoy the fourth longest-running show in Broadway […]
Sunday Night Fear (SNF) is a very real and debilitating condition. Typically around 7pm on a Sunday evening, the weekend high begins to wear off and the crushing reality of what lies ahead starts to impinge on your thoughts. It happens every week and yet we are still powerless to its advances. SNF is a […]
Penneys is important. There’s very few problems in life that can’t be solved by a trip to Penneys. Just got dumped? Penneys. Have an hour to kill in town? Penneys. Trying to avoid going to lunch with your moany colleague? Penneys. Need to change your cents to Sterling? Penneys. I believe that everyone turns into […]
Far from brunch we were reared! Listen, as a nation, we need to talk about where brunch has come from? Where do we draw the line? Is ‘linner’ on the way? What about ‘dinupper’? Folks. It is an epidemic. Here’s what your notions-filled brunch order says about you. Eggs Benedict Let’s call a spade a […]
More like Dream BONE. Dream Phone was detrimental towards every teenage girl’s expectations of a phone call with a boy they fancied. We all expected our crush’s phone voice to be very deep, American and a little bit sexy. In reality, most of us were met with a barely broken, thick country accent that oozed awkwardness and immaturity. […]
How come you never see white dog shit anymore? Science and also personal experience has proven that everyone feels better after they do a big poop. But what does that big poop have to say about you? Were you a nice person to live inside for a short while? Did you wipe sufficiently? Were you […]
Nights out, am I right? They’re a lot of fun when you’re in the mood for them, but woe betide anyone that comes between you and the couch when you’re not in the mood for it. Sometimes you want nothing more than a cheesy bargain basement film off Netflix, your pyjamas, two litres of tea […]
Everyone’s favourite YouTube millionaire has a new business venture! She’s got 11 million subscribers on Youtube, a beauty line, has written three books and now has her very own lifestyle range. So for a 26-year-old who’s got a net worth of $3.5m, she’s making the rest of us look like lazy scrubs. Zoella’s new lifestyle range is actually […]
Single people are disgusting and should have to pay more tax than everyone else. Oh wait, they already do! “Studies” have shown that there is a direct correlation between your name and ability to maintain a stable and lengthy relationship that ultimately leads to marriage. If you have any of the following names, you’re likely […]
Re: Anna Rihanna! The first round of her Puma collection was released today and it’s definitely not what we expected. Instead of sticking with her trademark lunatic style, Rihanna’s gone down the slightly less popular route of boring, yet practical clothing. I was unsure of this venture at first, but having examined all of the clothing with […]
Cheating, am I right? Whether it’s a game of Scrabble or a five year relationship, you just can’t help but feel sad at the thought of it. Some people get angry, others seek revenge, with roughly 1 in 35m people admitting to putting regular milk into an ex’s low fat milk carton. There are many ways […]