Ciara writes features for JOE.co.uk and is doing her best.
This is a breaking news story. Today, the Irish Government has officially recognised flat 7UP as an effective means of medication in Ireland. The announcement comes after a group of lobbyists spent upwards of 7 weeks outside Leinster House campaigning for official recognition of this soft drink. The minister of carbonated beverages, Alan Fakesurname, spoke […]
Would you rather scratch your eyes out or take part in this quiz? Listen, life is all about killing time until we all eventually reach the arrival of our inevitable mortality. Especially after Christmas, nobody is feeling particularly peachy since there’s nothing to look forward to (unless you’re Donald Trump). So, let’s pit our tastes against […]
This is the longest day ever and I am longing for the sweet release of home time. Folks, the good times had to come to an end at some point. For many of us, today marks our first day back to work after the Christmas holidays. It’s a dark and repugnant day and we’ve all done extremely well […]
I’m not here to make friends. Celebrity Big Brother is the biggest pile of garbage television in the world, but it’s the start of January so everyone’s sad that Christmas is over and feeling very vulnerable. My favourite part of the launch is when they play the pre-recorded interviews with the contestants before they go into […]
This is 100% accurate because science. If you went back to work today, my sincerest condolences. Christmas is officially over and we are now facing into another year full of celebrity deaths, internet pranksters and exhausted memes. But what’s in store for you in 2017? Will you finally eat yourself beautiful? Find a shellac colour that […]
Celebrity Big Brother is back! It’s inevitable that this year’s contestants will follow the usual trend of requiring immediate Googling, which results in a national uproar and mass clarification of the term ‘celebrity’. So, I’ve put together a list of the absolute dream contestants that I would like to see on Celebrity Big Brother. Michael Jackson There’s a […]
2016 was the year everything went to shit, except Twitter. You can always rely on Twitter to cheer you up with dank memes, fake stuff and sick wordplay when times get tough. 2016 was so unbearably awful, but at least we were able to seek comfort with gay abandon on Twitter. Here’s 100 of the funniest tweets you might’ve […]
This is it. We have truly run out of content. Probably the most popular Christmas present last year was an adult colouring book. Indeed, this year, no household is complete without a partially completed colouring book stuffed under the coffee table in the sitting room. They’re not as popular this year, but some stressed folk […]
I am deceased. Folks, today is the first day of the year where we all pledge to never, under any circumstances, ever drink again. It’s just no good for us. 2017 is going to be the year that we all get our lives on track. Fit, healthy and hangover free. Until tomorrow, when the diet and […]
2016, you were an atrocious piece of garbage. Rather than dwell on how awful it was, let’s all get a quick tattoo to commemorate the journey we experienced, then look forward to 2017 together. I’ve put together some rough samples below that you can simply screengrab, take to your local tattooist and insist they replicate […]
New Year, New Me! As we learned from Christmas Day Social Media Predictions, I am a modern day Mystic Meg. Social media was aflood with #TheBoyDoneGood, #LuckyGirl and the classic #SpoiledRotten. I can feel it in my waters that New Year’s Day is going to be something very special on social media this year. Here is […]
Can’t. Stop. Eating. Christmas is an important time of year where it’s essential that you stuff your face at all times. The end goal is that your colleagues don’t even recognise you when you return to work, and you can only wear tracksuits because, to quote Queen Regina George, “these sweatpants are all that fits me right now”. […]